If Only They Knew
by kiss-me-until-i-fall
Summary: Bella get's sent to Forks, to live with her dad and her brother Emmett after her mother say's she's too 'moody' little does she know Bella is suffering, depression, an eating disorder and self harm. Nobody know's about what she is doing to herself, except one person, she hoped, would never see again. But hope wasn't on her side
1. Chapter 1

**So... hey dudes. I'm back with a Twilight story and i hope you all like it, its kind of like my old one about Rob and Kristen, but yeah, it's different. And i hope you like it, i suffer from depression, self harm and i suffer with two eating disorders called Anorexia and Bulimia ****, so all of this in this story about the self harm and the eating disorder is from real life and how i see myself sometimes. Enjoy. (I'm on hiatus with Where It Is, i am struggling with ideas)**

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**Plot: Bella get's sent to Forks, to live with her dad and her brother Emmett after her mother say's she's too 'moody' little does she know Bella is suffering, depression, an eating disorder and self harm. Nobody know's about what she is doing to herself, except one person, she hopped, she would never see again. But hope wasn't on her side **

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Chapter 1: BPOV

_My mom is shouting at me up the stairs "Isabella, come down here, we need to talk" i sigh and quickly hide my razors. I was planning on cutting until she cut-blocked me. I pull my sleeves down on my t-shirt and head downstairs and into the lounge, where my mom and step dad are sitting. I shuffle towards the couch and sit down. I am extremely nervous, i hope my mom hasn't found out about what is going on in my life. She smiles at me then starts "Bella, this is a real hard thing for me to do, but you are very moody lately and you haven't been talking to me and having fun me like we used to and quite frankly, i'm getting slightly depressed at the thought that you don't like me anymore..." i cut her off "Mom, i do like you, of course i do, i'm just feeling a bit under the weather" she raises her eyebrows "Bella, you've been different for months" i sigh and then she says "Your moving to Forks" my mouth drops._

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So, now here i am, in rainy, cold Forks, Washington. I am quite happy in a way to be here because it means, i can wear long sleeves and jackets and not get asked "Are you not boiling" or "Your're weird". So i guess you are wondering a lot about me. My name is Isabella Swan, but i prefer Bella. I am 16 years old and I used to live in Phoenix, Arizona but my mom moved me. Oh and i suffer with, two eating disorders, depression and self harm but nobody knows. I used to live in Forks when i was a kid but my mom and dad broke up when i was 4 and she took me with her and left my big brother Emmett with my dad. I haven't seen them in about 3 and a half years. I have been suffering with self harm and depression since i was 9 years old, and i've always thought i was fat but when i was older about 13 in Biology, i learnt what eating disorders were and then i decided it would be the quickest way to lose weight. I got bullied from the age of 7 until i was 17 and moved here.

I paid for my cab as it dropped me off outside my dads house. My father is chief of police, and is a very busy man. His house looks very plain on the outside. It's pure white and has small garage and a big ass tree on the outside. My dads door shot open and before i knew what was happening my brother had me off my feet and in a tight bear hug "Jesus Bells, i've missed you so much" i snuggle into his neck "I've missed you too brother bear" he puts me down and grins at me "Wow, you haven't gotten any taller have you?" i slap him, with the little strength i have "Of course, i've grown, you just need your eyes testing" he lets out a booming laugh and grabs my luggage from the trunk "I'm really sorry i didn't pick you up, i have only just gotten home myself and Dad is working, they wouldn't let him leave, he had a big job to do" i shake my head "It's fine honestly" he smiles, grabs my hand and leads me into my home.

As i step inside the house, all the memories come flooding back to me, when i was younger, the arguments, me leaning against my bedroom door, when i was older the laughs and the jokes. I looked into the lounge seeing it looking the same; my dad's leather recliner, and his big flat screen TV. I looked around, smiling softly, but then i was brought out of it by Emmett saying "Do you want some food, we could go to the diner?" i stop for a second, but then i remember 'i'm fat, i don't deserve to eat' and reply "No, i ate on the plane and in the airport before i left" he nods "Well, i'll make some dinner and if you want some later, i'll leave left overs in the fridge" i gulped and nodded "Okay, thank you; i'm going to take my stuff up to my room" he nods but then spins around "Before i forget, do you want to meet my girlfriend and friends tomorrow, were going cinema and for food after?" i nod "Er, yeah sure; you've told me a lot about her, i'd love to meet her" he grins and starts preparing food.

For the rest of my night i stayed in my room and unpacked my belongings. I hid my dieting pills, my old razors, my mini first aid kit, a pack of new razors and my cigarettes in my top draw, underneath my socks and panties. Emmett came in a few times, just to check how i was but i said i was 'fine'. I had to remember to by scales tomorrow, i couldn't bring mine with me. I need to know how much i weigh right now. I went to bed, before my dad came home, so i haven't gotten to see him, but i will tomorrow

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I woke up the next morning and walked into my bathroom and got into the shower. The shower is the one place that i can think freely and say stuff out loud and not paranoid that someone will hear me. I'm very nervous about starting school on Monday, it's going to be a panicky day for me. Just thinking about the amount of people that are in one school and i just thinking that, this isn't a new start and as soon as i step foot in that school the bullying will start again. I just can't go through two more years of being bullied until the point that i want to take my own life, which i have thought on many occasions.

I get out of the shower, quickly brush my teeth and dry myself. I look at myself in the mirror. I love seeing my collerbones and ribs sticking out. I still have a bit of meat left on my legs, which has to go, because it's fat and i'm fat, i know i am. I head back into my bedroom and pull out some clothes to wear. I chose a plain black lace bra, matching panties, a pair of Topshop black jeans, a white tank top and my Topshop, fluffy jumper. I pull my hair into a messy bun and apply my concealer, eyeliner and mascara. I put a pair of white polka dot socks on and head downstairs.

I head into the living room first to see Emmett playing on his Xbox. I sit down next to him and he pauses his game "Hey squirt, you okay?" i smile and nod "I'm fine, how are you?" he grins "I'm perfect, finally got my little sister back" i laugh "Er, where's Dad?" he nods to the stairs "Still in bed, he should be up in about an hour, tops" i nodded and sat down on the couch "I've missed doing this Em, just being able to sit with you and be comfortable" he smiled "I've missed it too short stuff" i smiled and watched Emmett play his game.

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Emmett was right and Dad was up in an hour. As soon as he saw me, he pulled me into one of the best hugs i have ever received. I felt the tears, prick my eyes as i pulled away. He looked at me "My god, how I've missed your hugs" i smiled and he pulled me into the kitchen. We talked for a little while, about different and pointless things, it was nice though. He looked at me up and down "Wow Bells, my baby girl is all grown up now, i still can't believe your here" i smiled "Me neither" his mustache twitched "I don't think I've ever seen you this skinny though, you look so small; I've never seen you like this" my eyes widened and i came up with an excuse "Well... I've always been skinny, maybe it's because you haven't seen me i a while" he shook his head "Maybe, but you look different; anyway Emmett told me, your going to meet his girlfriend and friends tonight" i nodded "Yeah, can't wait to meet her, Emmett talks about her all the time" he smiles "She's a lovely girl, put's your brother in line a lot, i have to be honest looks like a model" i laugh "Well i'm glad she doesn't let Emmett be the beast he is" he laughed and hugged me again "You don't know how much I've missed you, baby girl" i feel tears spring to my eyes "I've missed you too, Daddy, so much" he pulls back and kisses me on the forehead.

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The rest of my afternoon went okay. I made breakfast for my dad and brother and made a piece of toast for myself, but it came back up on me, i played Call of Duty with Emmett, did some Laundry and went to the shop for some milk and eggs, cause i used them all. I read a book for a couple hours then i heard Emmett shout "Bells, were going in 20 mins" FUCK, i needed to get changed. I quickly changed into a white racer tank top, dark blue jeans, a black cardigan, my leather jacket and a pair of black ballet flats. I pull my hair out of its ponytail, and twist my side fringe into a twist and pin it to the side of my head. I look hideous as always, _"yeah, you look awful, your brother is only feeling sorry for you, he doesn't even want you there, nobody want's you here" _the voice in my head, spits venom into my soul and i knew it was true. I put on some make up and my fake smile for the night and walked downstairs.

"Woo, little sister, you are looking smoking tonight!" he's lying i know he is, i'm not pretty, i'm far from it, but i just smile "Thanks big bro, are we ready to go then?" he nodded and shouted "Bye Dad, we'll be back around 11" my dad shouted "Get your ass back here for curfew or you can forget about driving that new car on Monday" he shouted goodbye and then we left. My mouth dropped, and i stood gawking at Emmett's car like a goldfish "How... how in the world am i supposed to get into that?" he laughed "I'll help you up". Emmett's car was a big HUGE Jeep and believe me, it's huge. Especially for me, i'm only 5ft2 and that's when i'm not slouching.

The drive to Port Angeles was long. I felt nervous, i get extremely anxious when i meet new people or if a person that i don't know touches me. It usually ends up with me, having a panic attack. I can't stand it if somebody touches me, it makes me feel like i'm somebody i don't know and that i feel like i'm going to be grabbed. I have really bad paranoia and its got to the point, where if somebody is on the phone or talking to a person, i automatically think it's about me. I kept myself occupied in the car, talking to Emmett about his football, and Rose.

We eventually got to the restaurant, it was called Bella Italia. Which means Beautiful Italy, in Italian. I hopped out of the Jeep, i was safely out the car and managed to trip on thin air, i held my hands out and waited for the blow to come, and waited for the fulfilled pain but it never came. I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me and when i turned and looked i saw Emmett and thanked the gods that he was quick and somebody else, hadn't caught me. After my little 'almost' fall, we headed into the restaurant and my nightmare started.

We headed into the crowded restaurant and the women looked at Emmett, blushed and asked "Excuse me, do you have a reservation?" he nodded "I'm with the Cullen clan" she nodded and gave me a once over "Right this way" I could tell, that she was trying to impress Emmett; her hips were swaying almost as fast as a fucking car and her ass was stuck out, trying to make it look bigger. I saw our table come into view and saw 3 people sitting around it. Once reached it, the blonde girl immediately stood up "Hey, baby" Emmett pulled her into a hug and kissed her; so i'm assuming that's his girlfriend. She pulled back and looked at me "Hi, you must be Bella?" i nodded "Yeah, that's me" she smiled and then shocked me by pulling me into a hug "Thank you" i pulled away and cocked an eyebrow and she winked.

I then met, Alice and Jasper, who were also together. Once we sat down, Emmett asked "So... where's Edward?" Alice sighed "He and Lauren had plans, and the idiot told her that, he was coming for a meal, so he went a picked her up, and he should be on his way... with the bimbo" i intruded "Who's Edward?" Jasper replied "Alice's big brother and Emmett's best friend and the hottie of Forks High" i nodded and then Alice pipped in "Speak of the devil. I turned around and was shocked to see who it was "Edward?". My life was so ruined.

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**That was just a teaser, chapters will be a lot longer and more fulfilling, and sorry for the cliff-hanger. I hope you enjoyed it. I post on Monday's or Sundays. PLEASE review and put me in your alerts- Ghee x**


	2. Chapter 2

**BEFORE YOU KILL ME. I AM SO SORRY, I HAD A BIT OF A BREAKDOWN THEN I WENT ON HOLS! I'M SORRY BUT I'M BACK NOW AND HERE IS WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY:**

** Hey, lovlies. Thank you for liking my story and putting me in your alerts, it means so much to me. So anyway, sorry for the cliff hanger last time, i just wanted to stop it there, so you could get used to the type of elements in this story. WARNING- Description of self harming and purging**

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As soon as i turned around and looked into his eyes, I knew straight away who he was "Edward?" my breath hitched in my throat and i felt like i was going to have a panic attack. Edward looked down at me and his mouth open so wide, i could see his vulva at the back of his throat. His eyes wouldn't leave mine and Emmett butt in "Excuse me, can somebody tell me, what the hell is going on?" I turned away from his gaze, but could feel it burning in the back on my head. I looked at Emmett "When i was in Arizona, i went to an art school for the summer, it gave me something to do while Mom was off doing stuff with Phil; there i met Edward and we formed a close bond and got to know each other, but our friendship ended one summer ended and he went back to, i guess here" Emmett looked at me then Edward "So your meaning to say, you know my baby sister" I couldn't see Edward, i refused to look at him and just concentrated on my jacket sleeve "Yeah, i know her _very_ well" I stood up and walked outside for some fresh air.

I sat down on the cold, concrete floor, just wishing it would swallow me up and then i wished i was dead "Isabella?" i shook my head and asked "What do you want, Edward?" he crouched down next to me "I want to know, why nobody knows what's going on in your life, do you remember the promise you made me?"  
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FLASHBACK: _**

_I can't believe this is almost over, and my best friend is going home, i wish he wasn't. I packed up my essentials and walked outside to meet Edward. As soon as i got out into the scorching heat, my smile over took my face. Edward stood waiting for me and it made my heart swell, that i had finally found someone who doesn't take the piss out of me. I walked over to him and gave him a big hug "I'm really going to miss you, Edward" he sighed "I'm going to miss you too babe, and i need you to promise me something?" i nodded "I need you to promise, to tell your mom about your problems, cause if i ever see you again and nobody knows, then i'll do it for you" Edward found out about my problems, 1 week into our friendship. It was extremely late at night and Edward came over to see me, but he never texted, so he caught me in the middle of cutting myself. I knew i had to tell him and i did. He understood and said he'd give me time and now i guess time is up "I promise"_

**END OF FLASHBACK**

I nodded my head "I do remember, but i just couldn't, that's why i'm here" he sat down next to me "I'm being serious, you have to tell, your Dad and Emmett, Bella, you look skinnier than ever, and you have your wrists covered, so i know it's gotten worse, since last year, i know you feel lost and out of place but that doesn't mean that nobody cares, because everyone cares" i could feel, the salty tears, streaming down my face "I can't do it, you have no idea what's it's like. I look in the mirror everyday, wishing i could be skinny, wishing i wouldn't have to self harm or not eat, but i do, because i'm a nobody, i'm nothing" he wrapped his arm around me "Your not a nobody, you never were and your never will be, you mean something to a lot of people, your mom, dad, Emmett, and me" i looked at him "I understand your trying to help, but i can't tell them, if i do, they will never leave me alone, and i do not want to go into hospital, i care too much about them to put them under the stress of worrying about me" he shook his head "Well, the promise still stands, you have 1 month to tell them or i _will_ do it for you; come on lets go inside" i stood up and we made our way inside.

With that promise still in my mind, it was hard walking into the restaurant and keep a smile on my face. I followed behind Edward and as soon as we got to the table, he immediately sat next to Lauren and i sat next to Emmett. The couple on seconds, of silence, were excruciating. I knew people had a lot of questions and wanted answers. But thanks to the little pixie next to me, it was all blown over "So Bella, are you joining Forks High?" i nodded "Yeah, i'm really looking forward to it, just nervous, cause i won't really know anyone" she smiled, softly "Don't be nervous, me, Edward and Jasper are in your year and we'll be able to look out for you, cause i know Emmett would kill me if i didn't and besides; i think you and me are going to be the best of friends" i grinned and for the first time it wasn't fake; "Yeah, but Bells, be careful, she's crazy" Alice raised her tiny hand, reached behind and slapped Emmett on the back on the head with force, and she nodded "But only with shopping, i laughed. The waiter came over to table and my nightmare had begun.

Everybody quickly ordered, except Emmett, who had to go for the biggest starter and meal and have two starters. I peaked over at Edward, who was giving me a deadly glare, that looked like who knew, that i was going to order, something light, so it would come back up, easily. But now i knew i couldn't. I scanned the menu and said the waiter "I'll have the Chicken Burger, with Salad instead of fries" he nodded and walked away. After we ordered, the mood picked up loads, everybody was laughing and joking, except one person; Lauren. She was staring at me, with a look the i couldn't put my finger on but it looked to be evil.

She was giving me a look, like she was examining me and trying to figure me out and who i was, maybe it was because, i was close to her boyfriend. She made me feel intimidated. She was extremely pretty. She had long blonde hair, looked to be fake as hell, but i couldn't judge anyone, she was skinny, skinnier than me, her face, was as smooth as a baby ass, her face was smothered in make up though, she had big, big boobs and her clothes looked to be a bit too tight. Lauren snapped out of her gaze and looked at me "Isabella, is it?" i nodded, she smiled and continued "I was just wondering, what are you doing in Forks, isn't Arizona better?" i gulped "Er, well my mom thought it would be good to get away, and see my brother and dad for a while, she recently got married and i think she wants to take a trip but er, she didn't want to leave me alone" she nodded "So she booted you too your dad's" i shook my head "No, i agreed that i wanted to come here, that it would be nice, seen as i hadn't seen my father for over 3 and a half years" she nodded "So..." she paused and then smirked "What's the story with you and my Eddie here?" i saw Edward grimace and i answered "Like i said, we met at an Art School, over the summer, a year ago and we formed and close friendship and bonded, we had a laugh and hung out together all the time, and then he had to leave, to come back home" she nodded "Did you have a relationship?" i shook my head "Never, we were just best friends, we helped each other with Art and Music" she nodded and then our food came.

I ate most of my food and everyone finished before me, because i ate slow, so it wouldn't come back up on me. Throughout my whole meal Edward wouldn't stop looking at me and even after i finished, he still stared at me. I was beginning to think i had something on my face. All through dinner he did not take his piercing green eyes away from, except one when Lauren asked him a question. The waiter came back and asked "Dessert anyone?" everybody answered yes but i answered "No, thank you" and then queen bitch interrupted "C'mon Bella, everybody is having dessert" i shook my head "No, i'm full, i don't want anything else" she smirked "Why, trying to watch your figure" i grimaced and bowed my head and felt tears spring to my eyes, she was trying to say i was fat and i knew i was fat "Lauren, leave it alone, if Bella doesn't want dessert, she doesn't have to" Edward pipped in, coming to my rescue, Lauren replied "Jesus, i was only saying" she shook her head then ordered, while i mouthed a 'thank you' at Edward.

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The rest of the night goes better than what i expected. And Lauren has stopped trying to talk to me; thank god for that. By the time we have to leave, i can tell Emmett won't be coming home, tonight because he puts his arm around my shoulder and says "Bell, is it okay, if you catch a ride with Edward?" i look up at him and ask "Yeah, but won't that be a little bit hard, because of Lauren and him then having to go home?" he smiles "Edward lives next to us in big house, with the huge tree between the windows" my eyes widen "Oh, okay then" he smiles and kisses my hair.

I walk over to Edward "Emmett's going with Rose, so i was wondering if i could come with you, seen as we live close" he nods "Yeah, sure" Lauren walks over "Bella, don't you have to go?" i stare at the ground "I have to ride with Edward, cause Emmett isn't coming home" she huffs "Well, that's going to be awkward for Edward, cause I wanted him to go mine and yeah" I don't want to be in the same car as them, knowing me, i'll probably break his car with my fatness and also because I feel intimated "Oh, well I can get the bus back into Forks, it's..." Edward stops me "I don't think so, darling; Lauren I can come yours another time" she sighs and i reply "I don't want to intrude" Lauren fake smiles at me "No, don't worry; now you wanted a ride, so get in the car" and i do, with a little tear sliding down my face.

The drive back, is so much longer than what I expected. Lauren's voice is bringing a small pain to my ear drums. I mean, she's not annoying, she just has a loud, squeaky voice and to be quite honest, I'm tempted to put my hand over her mouth; just to shut her up. Edward keeps, looking in the rear view mirror. I actually begin to think, if I have somebody out there, who actually gives a fuck about me and doesn't just want to hurt me. Lauren looked behind and straight to me "So Bella, how old are you; fourteen?" I shake my head "Sixteen, Seventeen in one week" she nods her head slowly "Well, i'm sixteen but i will be seventeen in April and Edward the same in..." I cut her off "June, I met him two days before his birthday" she scoffs "Well that was rude, your not supposed to interrupt people" I shake my head "Oh, I know, I'm sorry" she nodded "So you should be" Edward rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

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We pull up to Lauren's first and she get's out of the car, but not before sticking her tongue down Edward's throat. It was extremely gross to see and judging by Edwards face, he felt the same "Bye Eddie, text me or call me; Bella, see you" i nod and say goodbye. Edward pats the front seat his hand "Get in the front Bells, I want to talk to without having to keep looking behind me" i nervously get out of the back and ease myself into the front seat with Edward. He starts the car and drives away from Lauren's. He doesn't hold back "When was the last time you purged?" I shakily take a breath "I haven't purged in six days" and looks surprised "Okay, when was the last time you ate, except today?" i reply "Six day's ago" he gasps and looks at me quickly "Fucking hell, Bella; when did you last cut?" I give the same answer "Six days ago, and before you ask why? It was because I ate" he shakes his head and pulls into a side road.

"Seriously, you didn't eat in six fucking days, this is getting out of hand" Edward, seems to be mad and upset all at same time, i swallow my tears and reply "I didn't feel...worthy enough to eat, i just couldn't" he rubs his hand over his face "Where have you self harmed?" I look at my covered wrists "My wrists, my stomach, my legs and my feet" I can see tears forming in his eyes "Jesus, this has gotten to much now, Bells; can't you see what your doing to yourself. Your gorgeous, you don't need to do this to yourself" I get angrier and sadder "Yes I fucking do! I'm hideous if I wasn't then I wouldn't have been bullied and I wouldn't spend each and every fucking day, wishing that I could die or have a normal life; you don't know what it's like. You think you know, who I am. I'm a monster living inside a body" he shakes his head "Baby, your not. Look at me" i look at him and he continues "You _ARE_ beautiful, no matter what; them bullies in school, were a bunch of losers who have no lives, or don't like themselves so they make other people feel worthless" he stops to catch his breath and then gives me his ultimatum "This is it Bella, you have two weeks, fuck a month; to tell your Dad or I will tell my Dad, who is a doctor and then I will tell Charlie; because you cannot keep doing this to yourself, baby it's not worth it"

We sat in the car a while longer. I asked him how he was doing and he asked me why I moved here and shit like that. But in the end it just became a bit awkward and we decided to head home. The car ride was quiet except for the small sound of Asleep by The Smiths, coming from the radio. The song is so beautiful and the voice makes me shiver with something, even I can't put my finger on. Edward pulls up into his driveway and looks at me "Are you going to be okay?" i nodded "I'll be fine" his mouth sets into a grim line then he say's "Put ointment or something over your cuts, please?" i nod "Well, I'm going, goodnight" he smiles "Night Bells, sleep tight" I smile a little then head into my house and up to my bedroom.

As I am getting changed and can see my stomach is bloated and sticking out and I can't have that, I don't want to be this fat, I'm too fucking fat. I run into my bathroom, and kneel down in front of the toilet, stick my fingers in my throat and purge everything I have eaten. After around twenty minutes, I stand up, wash my face, brush my teeth and head into my bathroom. As I look again in the mirror, i see my stomach is now back to normal and I'm still fat. No food for me tomorrow. I took two dieting pills, got into my pajamas and got into bed. Softy crying myself to sleep.

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**ONCE AGAIN SORRY!. Anyway, hope you liked it, please review and i know the chapters are a bit morbid but they do have humor as well. And romance in the future:)- Ghee x**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi, lovelies. Thank you for the favorite's and the follows they mean so much to me. **

Disclaimer- I do not own Twilight or any of the characters I use from the books. They belong to the wonderful Stephanie Meyer.

**Let's get on with the story then.  
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**Warning- Description of self harming.**

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My alarm, was blaring down my ear as I woke up the next morning. Ugh 6:30 too early. Today is my fist day back to school. Start of the first semester in my Junior year and to be quite honest. I am defiantly not looking forward to it. My dad knocks my door opens it and says "Bells, get up, sweetheart" I smile and say back "I'm awake Dad, is Emmett?" he looks down the hall "Yeah, why?" I sit up in bed "I need to talk to him" My dad then shouts "Emmett, Bella want's you". I wait a few minutes and then Emmett comes in "What's up, Squirt?" I look down and play with the threading on my pajamas "I'm really, really nervous; I don't think I can do today" he wraps his big, broad shoulders around my small shoulders "Bella, you can do this, I know your scared and it's frightening but you have friends there; Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Edward, were all here for you" I smile and nod. I talk with Emmett a little longer then go to shower. I strip from my pajamas and stare at myself in the mirror. I'm hideous. My cuts are healing up, but I don't want them too. I want them to keep bleeding, so I know I'm alive. Because I don't feel it.

My shower and morning regime is quick and easy. I wrap myself in a towel and walk over to my closet and pick out my clothes. I pick out thick black tights, a black leather pleated skirt, a white tank top and a white and black jumper. I leave my hair down and pull on my white Dr Martens. I apply my make up and the moose to make my hair look bigger and especially cause it's wavy. I look in the mirror and I can't see any cut's, so I'm good to go, even though I look extremely fat and horrible. As always. I take 2 dieting pills and a chug of water. I pack my cigarettes in my bag and slip a razor inside, in case of emergency.

As usual, in Forks; it's raining. I head downstairs to find, a very cheerful Alice "Hi Bella, I thought I'd give you a lift this morning, cause Emmett usually picks up Rosalie" She was wearing a white lace skirt, black knee high socks, a white sunflower top and white ballet flats. I smile "Thank you, I was just going to go with him, but thanks for this" she smiled "No problem and by the way, I love your skirt, and jumper" I grin "Thank you, they're both new" _'She doesn't really like them, you know that, she probably thinks it's horrible and your horrible, you don't stand a chance, love' _I hear the voice but I don't take notice on what he is saying. Alice pops up "Let's get going, shall we?" I nod and we head out, not before she says "Oh, have you eaten?" I shake my head "I'll get something at school" she nods and walks off to the car.

Alice had one hell of a fucking mouth on her. I mean, she wouldn't stop rambling on about different things. But i didn't mind, cause it was nice at the same time. "So, is it nice to finally see Edward again; he said you were like best friends?" she asked with one eye cocked, I looked down and then back up "Yeah I guess, it just feels weird because, it's been so long and it just feels different" she nodded "It'll take time, if you want my opinion, I think he missed you too; he came home after that break and he was like so down and upset" I know why; and I feel so bad "I guess, I do want to be close with him again, I mean like going to the movies and hanging out; but in my opinion, I don't think his girlfriend wants that to happen" what she said next flabbergasted me "Er, fuck her and her slutty self, I bet she has cheated on Edwards more times than any of us can count, but none of us will dare bring it up because he get's all 'Shut the fuck up, you don't know shit' and it pisses me off the way she''s always around him, when he's not in class, she's like a fucking dog" I laughed and then so did Alice.

When we eventually pulled up to school, which took shorter than necessarily because, Alice drives like a fucking maniac. She pulled in next to Edwards car, Emmett wasn't here yet unfortunately. I asked Alice quickly "Is it okay, if I have a quick smoke in your car?" She looked at me and laughed "I can't believe you can't smell it" she continued laughing, so I took a sniff of the air and the smell that came first; weed. My mouth dropped "I didn't know" she stopped "Everyone does it in our group, even your brother" my eyebrows shot up and I laughed "Least, I know he won't be mad for me smoking cigarettes" I stopped "Wait, I never saw Edward do it, while he was with me for 2months" she took out her cigarettes and lit one up "He only does it occasionally" I nodded my head slowly "Oh" she smiled "Before I forget, do you want to come mine for dinner tonight; my parents want to meet you and see if your like your brother" my grin faltered "Oh, er, yeah sure, that would be nice" she smiled. I lit up my cigarette and smoked it quickly. And luckily put it out before Emmett turned up. I wanted to tell him, instead of him seeing it.

I got out of the car and walked around to everyone. "Morning Bella, you okay?" Rosalie asked me, I nodded "Just extremely nervous" she smiled and wrapped her arm around my shoulder "Don't worry, were all here for you and won't leave you alone. I promise" I smiled and gave her a big hug "Thank you Rose, I'm glad Emmett chose you" she pulled back and smiled. "EDDIE, BABY" I looked around and saw bitch herself walking over. Now, I know I am not one to judge but she looked like a fucking slut. She was wearing a pleated mini skirt, a white tank top, that was 2 sizes two small so her breasts were almost spilling out, a pink jacket and pink heels. I mean, what twat wears heels to school. She wrapped her arms around Edward and kissed him deeply "I missed you last night" he pulled away and lit up a cigarette "I missed you too, sorry about it" she smiled "No problem, just make it up to me after school" he shifted from one foot to the other "Oh, I can't tonight, I have to go straight home, family meal with these lot" she looked around and her eyes landed on me "Oh, that's fine; Hello Bellie" I grimaced, cause that was what... never mind "It's Bella and Hi Lauren" she rolled her eyes "Whatever, and Eddie meet me by the bleachers at lunch?" he looked extremely annoyed "Stop calling me Eddie you know I hate it and sure" she kissed him again then walked over to another blondie. Lauren whispered in her ear and then looked over to me, looked me up and down the whispered something back. Fuck my life, Glendale High, all over again. Popular kids, pick on the freak which would be me.

I headed to to the main office with Alice and Rose, to get my new schedule. I walked up to the office "Erm... I'm Isabella Swan, I need... erm... my schedule" the women looked up "Ah, Bella. As if you do not remember me?" I was taken back and then she continued "I'm Shelly Cope, remember?" I backtracked to just before i left Forks when I was four and then I remember "Oh, I remember, you used to look after me and Emmett" she smiled "Yes, and after you and your mother left, I still looked after Emmett and really missed you" I smile "Well I'm back now and glad to be" she smiled and handed me my schedule "It's nice to see you all grown up now, and looking so beautiful" I smiled "Thank you; I gotta go before I'm late" she laughed and said goodbye. As soon as I was by Alice, she snatched my schedule out of my hands "Yay, you have Math, Gym and Art with me, English and History with Jasper and Biology with Edward, so your pretty much set" I smiled "Glad to be with some friendly faces" they both laughed and I headed off to my first class of the day; Biology.

I walked into the room and handed my new slip to the teacher "Isabella, welcome; I'm Mr Banner" I shifted and shaked "Just Bella and where do I sit?" He looked around "Do you know anybody in this room?" I nodded "Edward Cullen, Sir" he grinned "Well, I will move Jessica and you may sit with Edward" I stopped him "I can just sit somewhere else, I don't mind" he wasn't listening "Jessica, will you please move next to Mike please?" she looked up "Why?" his eyebrows rose "Because I asked. Now move." she huffed and got up. I made my way and sat down.

The class had just begun and that was when Edward walked in "Sorry Sir, I forgot my books, so I had to run back" he turned around from the board "This isn't the first time, don't be late again, Edward" he rolled his eyes, walked and sat down next to me. "What are you doing sitting here?" I looked up "Er, Mr Banner put me here, because I only know you; Sorry I can move if you want" he furrowed his brows "Why would I want you to move?" I shook my head "I thought maybe you didn't... er want to sit next to me" he took his hand in mine "Bells, your my best friend; of course I want to sit next to you, don't ever think I wouldn't" I pulled my hand out "But you had Jessica sitting here, I mean she's a lot prettier than I am and probably a lot more fun and..." he took my hand back "Stop it. Now. I didn't want her sitting next to me, she's a slut and your my best friend and this way, I can keep an eye on you" I huffed and started writing down what was on the chalk board.

The rest of my day went great and now was lunch, the worst part of the day. I walked into the cafeteria with Jasper, seen as we just had English, I head straight over to the table, that had Emmett, Rose, Alice, Lauren and Jessica. As soon as I walked over I heard from Jessica "Sorry no more seats; Jasper over here" I stuttered a bit then said "Oh, erm... well, I'm just going to go to library and I'll see you in Art Alice" I walked away, before anyone could say anything and bumped into Edward "Hey, where you going?" I looked up "Just going to the libray" he raised one eyebrow "Why?" I gulped "Not enough seats at the table and I want to catch up on some reading anyway" he looked over to the table "Bells, you can pull a chair up, who told you there were no seats and why didn't your brother stick up for you?" I shook my head "No-one... I could er... see that there was only one space and that was for you and because I walked away before anybody could say anything" I try and scoot around him, but he grabbed my arm "No you don't, you need to eat and everyone wants to talk to you, Alice hasn't has shut up about you all day" I tried again and lied "I ate breakfast, I'm not hungry, plus I feel like I'm intruding, plus I actually do want to read and I need to got to the toilet" he pinched the bridge of his nose "NO!, you can go toilet, then your coming back to sit with us and if your not back within ten minutes, then I'm coming for you" I nodded and walked off. "_Just enough time to cut, eh Bella" _I agreed with the voice in my head and went into the toilet.

I ran into the empty girls bathroom and sat down on the closed toilet lid. I rummaged through my bag and found the object, I was looking for; my very sharp razor blade. I pulled up my sleeves and inspected my already butchered arms and looked for space. Both of my arms were covered in cuts, but I found space right on my wrists, just before, my hand joins on. I pressed the ice cold razor and pulled it across, serveral times, quick and easy but there was one tiny problem. I accidentally cut too deep; SHIT. I held the tissue against my wrist for 5minutes, putting extra pressure to stop the blood but it wasn't working. I stuck the tissue again my wrist and pulled my sleeve down with my teeth. I slipped my razor back in my bag and headed out of the toilet. I was so fucked.

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**Well I hope you like it:) Next up Dinner with the Cullens. Reviews get you a teaser:)- Ghee x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi, m'lovely's. Hope you are all well. Thank you for the reviews, favorites, and follows; they mean a lot to me.  
Okay so I'm so so sorry it's taken me this long again, I'm going through a big rough patch, and I thank everyone who wants more and is going to keep reading. It means so much x**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters I use from the books. They belong to the wonderful Stephanie Meyer. I do however own the plot and any characters that I use of my own.

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As soon as I left the bathroom, I was hit with a scent of cigarettes, Dior Homme and cinnamon. I turned the corner and found Edward standing against the locker "Okay, so you was either doing something you shouldn't or you was pooping?" I laugh "I wasn't pooping, I just needed some time to myself, this mornings been a bit overwhelming, so I just needed to calm down and relax" he nodded slowly "Well come on you need food" I shake my head "I'm not hungry at the moment, I'll eat when I'm home, plus I'm coming to dinner at yours tonight" he huffs "I know you said you ate breakfast, but you need to eat more than just that, I mean Bells, your so fucking skinny and it's not healthy" I shake my head "I'm not skinny, Edward" he laughs, but without humor "Bells, I could probably wrap both my hands around your thighs your that skinny" I shake my head "Just drop it, okay? I'll eat when I'm home and when I come yours tonight" he holds his hands up "Fine, but you better eat, or I swear I will sit on you and make you eat" I pretend to sarcastically say"Omg! I'm so scared" but in reality that does scare the shit out of me. The bell rings and Edward walks me to Art.

I walk into Art and head into the seat next to Alice, cause she told me she sits on her own. As soon as I sit down, she bombards me with questions "Hey, how are you, you still coming tonight, how has your day been?" I laugh "Jesus, one at a time; I'm good, yes I'm still coming, my day has been good" she smiles "Do you want me to pick you up tonight, or do you want to go with Emmett?" I think for a moment "I'll go with Emmett, but I just seen him walking down the hall, he looks super pissed off" he shakes her head "He and Rose just had an argument, I don't know what about but she was shouting at him and he walked away" my eyes widen "Do they usually argue?" she shakes her head "Nope, they are usually so lovey dovey" I look to her "Do you think it's because of me?" she shrugs "I don't think so, it must be something big, if she's shouting and he's walked away; talk to him later" I nod "I will" she smiles and then our teacher walks in.

Thank fuck, the school day was over and I couldn't be more happier. I walked out into the parking lot with Alice, and looked over to find Emmett and Rosalie arguing again. I walk over and hear part of the argument "Emmett, I'm sick of you leaving me out, since she's gotten here all you've done is be around her and everyone else, except me and I'm getting really sick of it" Emmett laughed without humor "Rosalie, she's my little sister, my mom said to look after her, because she thinks Bella's changed, so excuse me for caring about my baby sister, rather than always caring about you and I have spent time with you, I made her get in a car with Edward and Lauren, just so I could drive you home, and I picked you up this morning, just this show nothing?!" I was right, they was arguing about me, I decided to intervene "Hi guys" Rosalie looked at me and smiled "Hi Bella, me and your brother was just talking about you" I nodded then looked at Emmett "We going, cause I need a shower before tonight?" he nodded "Yeah, I'll see you later Rose" he kissed her cheek, then went round to the driver side of the jeep.

Once away from school I spoke up "I really need my own car, I hate been driven around by you or Alice" he laughed "Well you do have your own car; remember the old mustang, Dad used to own?" I nodded slowly "Well he got Jake, Billy's son to fix it for you, I think he was going to give it you tonight" I squealed "Ahhh! I always wanted that car, I remember telling Dad when I was about 12 that I wanted the car, I can't believe he remembered" I clapped in my seat and Emmett laughed and turned up the volume of the music in the car.

Emmett parked in the driveway, outside our house and we both hopped out. I unlocked the door with my key and threw my bag down in the hall. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. Emmett walked in "Do you want a sandwich, didn't see you eat at lunch" I rolled my eyes "Nope, I'm good, I'm just going to wait until we get to the Cullen's" he smiled "Okay then; oh if your going for a shower, please do not use up all the hot water" I laugh "I won't, anyway, what's going on with you and Rose?" he sighed "She's being a bitch, because I didn't spend lunch with her, I spent it with Alice" my eyebrows raised "Alice?" he shook out "No! I didn't mean like that, we have a project due, and we was finishing it off, it's for Physics" I nodded "Well, just tell her if she starts again, that your time does not always have to be used up on her and sometimes it's nice to take a break, because it might get too suffocating if not" he nodded very slowly "Thanks sis; Hey when did you get so smart?" I laughed "I've always been smarter than you, snot rot" he roared of laughter "Keep dreaming booger brain" I flipped him off and walked out. As I'm walking upstairs, I start to think about how my life could get better, with time. But it might not.

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Time to leave for the Cullen's came, and to be frank, I was fucking shitting myself. I had dressed nice, put my indie and my girlie side in. I was wearing a white and brown floral dress that came just below mid thigh and was longer at the back, 4 pairs of skin colored tights, so you couldn't see my cuts, and a pair of brown ankle boots and a long sleeved white loose cardigan. I had my hair down and had my bowler hat on top. My make up was the same as school and I put my feather ear cuff in. As I walked down stairs, Emmett peeked his head round from the living room "Bells, there's something for you in here" I furrowed my brows and walked into the living room; my mouth dropped. She remembered. A guitar case sat against the black leather couch. The case was brown and hard, it looked used, but either way it was perfect. I dropped to my knees and opened it up. Inside sat the guitar I always wanted. It was dark brown and it was Gibson. I note also fell out:

_Beautiful Bella,  
I remember how upset you was when you found out, your guitar had been stolen and I decided to replace it for you, but better. I miss you, Darling. As soon as I saw this guitar, I knew it was the one you'd wanted since you were a little kid, and now I have the money I decided to buy it for you. The case has been used, but it was your grandfathers, so I hope you like it. I miss hearing your music, and I would love it if you would Skype me and play a song for me. My skype is Renee-Swan-Dwyer, please skype me honey.  
I love you, baby girl and happy almost birthday  
Mom_

I dropped the note and felt a tear, drop on to my hand and felt arms around my shoulders "Happy almost Birthday Bella" I smiled through the tears. My birthday was in 3 days, and this was the best present I will ever get. I looked to Emmett "You knew?" he smiled "She called me before you left and told me, that it would arrive today and I was glad, because now, your bringing that guitar to the Cullen's and you are going to play me a song and I am going to be a big baby and cry" I laughed and wiped away the tears "Okay then; we need to go" he nodded and locked my guitar away and brought it out to the car, placing it carefully in front of me.

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We got to the Cullen's around half 7 and as soon as I saw their house, my mouth dropped. It wasn't even a house, it was more like a mansion. The house was beautiful, it was brown and black. Most of it was windows, although a few did have curtains. Also what made is more perfect, is that the forest surrounded it. Emmett parked up beside a black Mercedes. If the house, was this beautiful on the outside, I cannot wait to see the inside. I climbed out of the jeep, having a little trouble, considering we were on a hill. Once onto the gravel floor and with my guitar in my hand we headed up to the front door. Emmett just walked straight in and screamed "I'm home, Ma!" I laughed a little but still stood outside. The house was magnificent, soft colors, nothing to vibrant.

About 30seconds later a goddess appeared. She was looked a little over 5ft5, soft, gental, wavy caramel colored hair, a heart shaped face, and emerald colored eyes. I knew from the eyes this was Edward and Alice's mother. She walked over to Emmett and slapped him on the head "Inside voice, Emmett Swan; now where is that lovely sister of yours"Emmett turned around "She was here a minute..." he looked at me "Bells, come in you don't have to wait" Edwards mother looked at me, walked over to me and pulled me into a bone crushing hug "Hello Sweetheart" I smiled and pulled away "Hi Mrs Cullen" she waved her hand "Please, call me Esme, and my husband is somewhere around here, he must be in his study, look at you, honey, your gorgeous; let me go and get my husband and please go and join the others" I smiled and closed the door.

I was brought into the living area, where Alice and Jasper where sitting. Alice jumped up and hugged me "Hey Bells, you okay?" I smiled "I'm great but I need to ask; where can I put this where it won't get trampled on?" She laughed "Put it in my room, just go up stairs, and up stairs again and it's second door on the right" I nodded and headed upstairs. Once up there I counted the doors and walked into... Oh my goodness "Bella! What are you doing?" I turned around and walked back out. Holy fuck. I've just seen Edward half naked. Fuck me, he is beautiful... what?! No no no, can't be thinking like that. I headed for the door across the hall and thank fuck it was Alice's and I knew that because it was pure pink. I place my guitar on the bed and headed back out. Just to run into Edward.

I stumbled back a little bit, and then looked up into those, beautiful green eyes "Edward... I'm so sorry... I never meant... erm shit" he shook his head "No worries no damage" I nodded "Yeah, I'm still sorry I was looking for Alice's room" he smiled "I see you found it" I laughed "Yeah" we stood there awkwardly for a little while "So... did you enjoy school?" I nodded "It was good, occasional times where it got a bit to much, but other than that, it was good" he smiled "Well... that's good; Hey, I need your advice?" I nodded "Yeah?" he rubbed the back of his neck and started talking much quicker than usual "So I'm going to dump Lauren, because you see, I've started to have feelings for this other girl, she's beautiful, intelligent, funny and a whole lot more, but I don't know how to tell her that I like her, I've never really asked a girl out, I'm usually getting asked out" I was stunted, I didn't know what to say, but what made me even more shocked, was that I started to realize that what he was saying hurt and made me feel upset and disjointed "Erm... why tell her, when you can show her how you feel, I mean words aren't always the best; who is this girl?" He looked down at the floor "It's you" And then he kissed me...

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**Well... I bet Bella is shocked.**

**Sorry for leaving you on a cliff hanger, I just really wanted to get this out to you, and please forgive me again, for my late stories and the teasers I sent out to those who reviewed last chapter it will be in the next chapter:****)**

**Am I the only one who wouldn't mind Edward kissing me unexpectedly?;) **

**Reviews get teasers- Ghee x****  
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